New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short Original)

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New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep (A Vintage Short Original)

Written by Samantha Irby
4.85 97,460 ratings
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About this ebook:
Comedian, blogger and essayist Samantha Irby is not going to be a better person this year than she was last. Nope. With a small group of woo-woo others, Irby sets seventy micro-resolutions, and then—with the rest of us—she fails at almost every single one of them.   Thoughtful, witty, poignant—the failed intentions in New Year Same Trash will make you laugh and cry. Because you know you’ve been there. You can’t wake up in time to go to brunch. Swimming three times a week? Who are you kidding. You’re not going to shower every day or pack your lunch every day. You’re definitely not going to choose a smart movie over mindless entertainment, because you’re tired. You’re lazy. And, no, you’re never going to be a positive thinker. “I didn’t do this. I’m gonna. Maybe.” Don’t worry. It’s okay. There’s always next year. Instantly recognizable to anyone who’s ever failed to make goals and stick with them, New Year Same Trash will bring hilarious relief.A Vintage Shorts Original. An ebook short.

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Pages 28
Language Eng
Publisher Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published January 24, 2017
ISBN 33653133
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Samantha Irby
About the Author
Samantha Irby

Samantha Irby writes contemporary fiction and has always been fascinated by character-driven stories. They hold a degree in English Literature and previously worked as an editor before transitioning to writing their own books. Samantha Irby lives with their spouse and a very vocal rescue cat.

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Amanda Wilson
Amanda Wilson January 28, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars.
Jacob Clark
Jacob Clark March 12, 2025
I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
Nicholas Jones
Nicholas Jones April 19, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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William Gomez March 29, 2025
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Christopher Smith
Christopher Smith March 15, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Stephanie Diaz
Stephanie Diaz December 17, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Lisa Hill March 07, 2025
It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
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A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A very distinguished novel.
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Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
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A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Robert Hall
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A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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Mark Flores February 24, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Mark Gonzalez
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Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Christopher Flores
Christopher Flores June 05, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
William Gomez
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Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading.
Robert Perez
Robert Perez January 18, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Robert Johnson
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall.
Patricia Miller
Patricia Miller May 07, 2024
A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me.
Mary Taylor
Mary Taylor December 14, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Nicholas Gonzalez
Nicholas Gonzalez April 08, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Michelle Turner
Michelle Turner January 24, 2024
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
James Jackson
James Jackson February 18, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me.
Mary Green
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Exceeded all my expectations. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Michelle Miller
Michelle Miller November 02, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Sarah King
Sarah King August 08, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Melissa Cruz
Melissa Cruz September 19, 2024
A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me.
Kenneth Williams
Kenneth Williams January 26, 2025
I find myself somewhat conflicted. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
William Scott
William Scott January 16, 2025
It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Nicholas Gonzalez
Nicholas Gonzalez September 02, 2024
I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Ryan Walker
Ryan Walker June 13, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Michael Lee
Michael Lee August 10, 2025
A decent, if standard, experience. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. A fair 3 stars.
Kimberly Evans
Kimberly Evans November 17, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Eric Garcia
Eric Garcia December 17, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Gary Taylor
Gary Taylor January 22, 2025
I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Carol Lewis
Carol Lewis November 18, 2025
A very strong entry. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel.
Anthony  Parker
Anthony Parker May 10, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Edward Roberts
Edward Roberts August 27, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Carol Taylor
Carol Taylor October 16, 2025
I find myself somewhat conflicted. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Suitable if your reading queue is empty.
Betty Edwards
Betty Edwards September 19, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
Mark Diaz
Mark Diaz August 24, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Barbara Evans
Barbara Evans December 24, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
Andrew Mitchell
Andrew Mitchell October 14, 2024
Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Sandra Green
Sandra Green November 28, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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